Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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