For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
