You made me cry and you don't even care
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
