Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
