I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
