my phone needs a breathalizer
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
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I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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