Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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