My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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