i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I faked an abortion last night.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
