Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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