grandma shit on top of the toilet
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
