wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want her autograph on my taint
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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