I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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