When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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