do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
