Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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