i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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