At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
