It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
did you just send me my own nude
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
