I cannot find my penis.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Congratulations! We have a period
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