Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
