DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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