Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize