Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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