Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
