She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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