If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
