Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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