I would go down on you faster than GM stock
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
