I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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