I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
