I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
