All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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