i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
