she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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