I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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