i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
