Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
