I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
