I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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