My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
