I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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