If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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