What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
