god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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