I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
