Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
