it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
