Sry I called you an 8
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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