Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
