I have demons in me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
