How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
