I cannot find my penis.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
