okay pat passed out under dana's car
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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