dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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