I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
