yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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