Plan B is the new Plan A
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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