Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
