9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
