I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
