Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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