Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
