I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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