I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
