nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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