In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
