so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
