I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
