I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
