Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am naked and annoyed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
