Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
