I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
