I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Drunk is not a location!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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