Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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