Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
