I just pynch a tree in the face
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
