Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
