I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
