first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
