If i come over, it means nothing
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
